Here goes nothing… we are about to embark on the abyss of the unknown, otherwise known as high school and yet again, all of my amazing social media friends + followers came out to give us ALL the advice on things we should know, what to expect, best tips + tricks from parents who have been here and walked this road before and the misc. expertise we ALL want!
I went through the hundreds of messages I received about this topic and have broken them down into specific categories below… keep reading because there is a wealth of knowledge in this post that you’re going to want to bookmark for later I assure you.
Even though I wish I could go back to her kindergarten year [and every other after] and do it all over again, I know my girl is ready and she’s excited about this next chapter in life. I’m so proud of you Caroline Cate and I know these next four years are going to be some of the best in your life and I am so thrilled I get to be your biggest fan and watch you experience it all…
First things first… let’s do a deep dive into the what the parents that have walked this journey want us to know most:
This one stuck out to me = EMBRACE THIS CHAPTER…IT GOES BY FASTER THAN YOU THINK! People have told me this repeatedly and it is starting to sink in. And now I know exactly what they mean because it feels like her elementary school days just happened. Other essential feedback that came in over and over is to LET THEM LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES = obviously we don’t want them making life altering choices here, but small mistakes will help them learn the ropes and figure it out in the meantime, so it’s OK to make a small fumble or two. After all, we know we weren’t perfect during high school either ;).
Another gem of advice?? DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF = and yes I am preaching to myself and Jeff on this one. We are going to need to remind ourselves to look at the big picture, not the tiny details that make up a day. And finally, LISTEN MORE THAN YOU QUESTION… I think sometimes they will want to tell us things and we don’t need to respond, try to fix, give them advice, etc = we simply need to be there to let them talk!
Now onto the category that certainly scares this mama most… all things academic and college prep. I feel like grades, what classes to take and anything else related to college are SO different than when I graduated high school 25 years ago = and everything I am hearing from friends and other parents has me realizing it all starts early and each year counts! So, here are a few high level notes I am feeling like we all need to highlight AND remind ourselves about:
FRESHMAN YEAR MATTERS MORE THAN PEOPLE REALIZE… You need to start out strong and nail a solid GPA your 9th grade year! Suck it up the first two years and then junior + senior year will be much more enjoyable if you get the hard classes out of the way, focus on your grades + set yourself up for success. We’ve started sitting down on Sunday afternoons to map out the weekly schedule and I am hoping that will really help with time management, staying on top of tests/projects/etc and other events based on dance, leadership clubs, family time and FUN. And speaking of fun = I love this motto, HOMEWORK COMES FIRST, FUN COMES SECOND. Also, here’s just my two cents: use free time at school to try to get your homework done [chats with friends can wait until later] and be proactive about asking for help from teachers [they will remember the kids who go above and beyond to ask for extra help, request options for extra credit, etc].
Another thing to think about?? SET REALISTIC GOALS, BUT DON’T RUSH THE PROCESS… college planning starts early, so start thinking of schools you’re interested in and want to tour/want to know more about. It’s great to reach out to your advisor for help in this area and knowing what it will take to get admitted should you choose to focus on a specific school. I love that someone said to START COLLEGE TOURS EARLY SO YOU CAN SPACE THEM OUT and don’t have to cram in 4-5 visits in one semester your junior year before you start applying.
Another important thing to consider?? Friends, relationships and all the people in their life… these people help to shape so much of who our teenagers turn into as adults and it matters now more than ever. So let’s get down to the advice I heard loudly:
BE THE HOUSE WHERE YOUR FRIENDS FEEL WELCOME. Sure it can be hard to host all the time, but it keeps you in the know of what’s going on, who is dating who, and all the information your kids are discussing outside of school… we LOVE having our girls’ friends over for pizza nights, sleepovers, swimming at the pool and taking them to the lake whenever possible. It’s fun for all of us and has really helped us form deep relationships with their besties and their families as well.
Another thing I want to tattoo on my kids’ minds forever? NEVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE TO FIT IN. Always stay true to the unique person God made you to be, lead by example [even when it’s hard] and remember to use your unique talents and gifts. This is a season of endless growth and people will come in and out of your life = enjoy the ride.
One more for good measure that I think we all need to note more than anything: PRIORITIZE FAMILY TIME OVER EVERYTHING ELSE = those moments often become the memories you treasure most. And another thing worth repeating: SAY YES TO CARPOOLS + BEING THE DRIVER TO CHAUFFEUR. This is where the good stuff happens… car rides are golden—talk, laugh, listen and soak them in because you’ll get more out of them in that 20-minute car ride than a full day at home.
Now onto free time… when it comes to school, activities, and everything in between, remember that more isn’t always better. You want them to actually have time and space to just “be”… in other words, DON’T OVERWHELM THEM WITH TOO MANY ACTIVITIES. They don’t need to do everything to be successful in high school or in life for that matter. Give them some space to find out what they love doing [sports, clubs, a part time job, volunteering, etc] and pour into those passions where they can allow their interests and strengths to shine. START A RUNNING LIST OF THEIR ACTIVITIES, ACCOMPLISHMNETS, LEADERSHIP ROLES AND VOLUNTEER WORK NOW so you can keep track of everything through high school—it will make college applications so much easier down the road.
You also want to SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS OF DATING, ALCOHOL, CONSEQUENCES + CURFEWS so everyone is on the same playing field and we are all playing on the same team. You want them to make sure they know the rules before they are in a situation where they have to figure them out on their own… and as much as they may push back, don’t let them go out every night during the week. School, activities and especially sleep need to be priorities. High school is a marathon, not a sprint, and helping them find balance is one of the best things you can do to make this experience a great one for all.
And then last but certainly not least, here’s a few extra additions and honorable mentions that again I think are true parenting gems that most certainly needed their moment on this post: when it comes to school, PARENTING A HIGH SCHOOLER IS ALL ABOUT FINDING THE BALANCE BETWEEN BEING INVOLVED + GIVING THEM ROOM TO GROW. Try not to check grades constantly or hover over every assignment. Instead, have a weekly check-in to see how they’re doing, what they need, and how you can support them. You want to be sure to give guidance, but allow natural consequences to happen—those lessons can be some of the most valuable down the road.
Remember, GRACE OVER PERFECTION… it’s OK to let go of the perfectly made beds and spotless rooms—there are bigger things to worry about!! One of my personal favorites is KEEP THE PHONES OUT OF BEDROOMS AT NIGHT = we initiated that rule from the moment the girls got their phones and it’s a non negotiable so they can actually unplug and get the sleep they need! And this is another gem that we have chatted a lot about at our house: CREATE A NO-QUESTIONS-ASKED CODE WORD THEY CAN TEXT/CALL IF THEY EVER NEED YOU TO COME GET THEM, no matter the situation. I’ve been told this from lots of parents of older kids and it stuck with me instantly.
At the end of the day, we are all just trying to do the best we can, figure it out along the way, and give our teenagers the tools they need to turn into responsible adults. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and I know I will need to remind myself of that sentiment often… I want my girls to dream big and help them live their best lives, but I’m their parent, not their friend, and I want to make sure they make it out of this season of life stronger, kinder, wiser and more confident in the amazing people God made them to be.
Good Luck to us All! OXOX
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